June 2011
2 posts
2 tags
Father's Day
The boys wrote Father’s Day notes to Bill and now that I’m done crying and laughing, I have to share them.
From Holden:
Dear Dad, Here is why I love you. First, you make a lot of money. You make millions or thousands of dollars. Next, you are really good at games! You are better than me! last, you taught me how to play baseball. I am better at it now! Happy father’s day! I love...
2 tags
Weird is a nice way of saying stupid.
Lucas: Holden, I think Ash is a little bit weird.
Holden: He’s just a little kid.
Lucas: I’m not saying that he’s stupid, just that he’s weird.
Holden: That’s not a very nice thing to say.
Lucas: Weird is a nice way of saying stupid.
Holden: So you ARE saying Ash is stupid.
Lucas. I don’t think you’re understanding what I’m saying.
Holden:...
May 2011
1 post
1 tag
Whywolves
Conversation between my husband and our 3 year old after battling with him for the last two weeks as he goes through a new phase of non-stop talking and non-stop non-listening to anything we say.
Bill: I think we’re gonna send you to live with the wolves.
Ash: No! They will eat me!
Bill: No, they won’t eat you. You’ll become one of the wolfpack. Then you can run around and...
April 2011
1 post
2 tags
Potatoes are hilarious
Luc: Mom, what animals are french fries made of?
Me: They’re not made from animals. They’re made out of potatoes.
Ash: How do you make french fries out of potatoes?!?!?!
Me: You just cut them up and fry them.
Holden: Well what are potatoes made of?
Me: Potatoes are just potatoes.
Luc and Holden: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Me: [I don’t know why that’s funny.]
March 2011
3 posts
1 tag
3 tags
More Ash convos from yesterday
Luc’s Teacher (to me): Ash looks just like you!
Ash: No I don’t! I don’t have any moles all over the place!
= = =
Ash (looking at my wrist): Where did you get this bracelet?
Me: Daddy got it for me for Christmas?
Ash: WOW! Daddy is so awesome! … and cute… like me! And you so beautiful.
…
[I guess we’ll keep him.]
1 tag
Ash: I have a wife.
Luc: Is your wife a girl?
Ash: Nooooo. A boy.
Luc: Who?
Ash: Elmo [sings to tune of Barney] … He loves me. I watch him. [laughs maniacally]
February 2011
4 posts
1 tag
Luc: Mom, I was going to tell you something but then I forgot… Oh, wait that’s what I was going to tell you!
Bill: Luc, you just discovered irony.
Luc: What’s irony?
Me: Well it’s NOT rain on your wedding day, I’ll tell you that.
Bill: Irony is… when… something is… ironic.
Luc: [stares blankly]
Bill: [looks on iPhone] Irony is “a...
3 tags
Luc: “What’s the name of our President?”
Me: “Barack Obama”
Luc: [points at TV screen] “Is that him?”
Bill: “No, that’s Kareem Abdul Jabbar.”
2 tags
“Mom, is it ice cream day?”
-Ash, every day
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lucas: Okay, Mom, I’m going to ask you some really hard questions. Are you ready? Why is a house called a house? Why is a tree called a tree? Why is a bed called a bed? Why is a…
Me: (speechless)
This went on for awhile.
1 tag
Holden has recently been put in charge of “making” cereal for himself and his brothers. During one such snack occasion, I overheard them talking about having another brother or sister, unprompted by me.
Me: Holden, why are you guys talking about having another baby? Do you want another brother or sister?
Holden: Well…. actually, no.
Me: Why?
Holden: That’s just too much...
January 2011
2 posts
2 tags
Ash: Mom what are you doing?
Me: Driving. What are you doing?
Ash: Knitting.
(I say this a lot apparently.)
= = =
Ash: (walking around wearing a necklace) I’m a lady. I’m a lady. (in a lady voice, sounds more like “wady”)
1 tag
After a long battle to get Lucas to stop yelling and laughing while in bed last night, I gave him an ultimatum.
“Go to sleep and stop messing around, or I will hire a babysitter to watch you on Friday while everyone else goes sledding.”
He paused for about 5 seconds. Then replied…
“Is it going to be a girl?”
…
We can deduce two important points from this...
December 2010
1 post
3 tags
Just this morning...
Holden: Lucas! Guess what tomorrow is! My birthday!!
Luc:… Is today tomorrow?
= = =
Holden: Mom I’m going to start working out on Saturday.
Me: What, you mean like sit-ups?
Holden: No I have to work out for 8 hours.
Me: Why would you do that?
Holden: Dad said if you wanna be strong you have to work out for 8 hours a day.
Lucas: What and never sleep?!
Holden: Lucas there are...
November 2010
3 posts
3 tags
The First Thanksgiving by Lucas
Luc’s class had kind of like a Thanksgiving mad libs-esque assignment this week where they filled in the blanks of the story of The First Thanksgiving. I’ve shown the words that Luc supplied in quotes. Here’s the result:
A long time ago in the year “a day” there were Pilgrims. Pilgrims are “people”. Pilgrims felt “happy” so they went to find a...
2 tags
Driving through our neighborhood at 20mph… the speed limit is 10mph…
Some random guy on the street starts to walk in front of my car. As I approach, he looks up at me in shock that I’m in a car driving down the street. He stops and jumps out of the way even though he still would have plenty of time to cross to the other side.
Then…
Guy: (points at me) 10!!! 10!!!!
Me:...
5 tags
Watching National Geographic: Sea Monsters with Lucas, talking about being a paleontologist.
Luc: “I don’t think I wanna dig up bones for a living. That means I’d have to get married.”
… apparently job = marriage. And Luc wants no part of this.
October 2010
3 posts
2 tags
Toddler Logic
Luc: Mom, if aliens are monsters and monsters aren’t real, then that means aliens aren’t real.
Me: If you say so. Some people believe in aliens.
Ash: People are aliens.
Luc: Ash, then that means WE are aliens.
Ash: No, different people.
Luc: All people are the same.
Ash: Not good guys. Bad guys. With guns.
[Following their trains of thought keeps me fully entertained.]
1 tag
Potty Training in OUR Home
Ash has been working on potty training for a while now. It’s slow going, but every time he manages to make it to the toilet in time, it’s a triumph. As witnessed this morning…
Ash, on the toilet: I did it!!
Me: Good job Ash!!
Ash: My penis is working!!
Me: (laughing… obviously) Oh yeah? Grrrreat!
Ash: Oh, I’m done. My penis isn’t working now.
3 tags
Holden: Lucas, do you have a girlfriend?
Lucas: No!!!! NEVER!!!
Holden: Why not?! If you don’t have a girlfriend, you’ll be lonely when you grow up.
Lucas: No, I’m gonna live with you.
Holden: Well then you have to get a job. If you don’t get a job, you won’t have any money. And then you can’t buy candy.
September 2010
4 posts
2 tags
Ash hears someone say “Book Club”.
Ash: Butt Club?! Ew! That’s gross!!
Me: BOOK Club, Ash. Not BUTT Club.
Ash: Oh.
2 tags
Holden: Mom, will you and Dad ever get divorced?
Me: No, Holden, you have nothing to worry about. Daddy and I will be together forever.
Holden: Oh good. Because if you got divorced, who would you have to make out with?
5 tags
Lucas: I’m never getting married!
Holden: How could you say that?! If you never get married, you’ll be lonely forever!
Lucas: I’ll live with Mom and Dad.
Holden: You can’t do that. Ash will live with Mom and Dad.
Lucas: Well then I’ll live NEXT to Mom and Dad.
Holden: Okay, I’ll live with you. But, Dad, where is Ash going to live when he gets bigger?
Bill:...
3 tags
Inception for Kids
Lucas: “Mom, why are we so small and the world is so big? …. Oh my gosh. What if we’re all just toys…”
3 tags
2 year old euphemisms
Luc: “Moooooom!!! Ash won’t play hide-and-seek with me. Because he says it’s “too crap”. Just so you know, that means he doesn’t like it.”
August 2010
6 posts
1 tag
Ash: “I am me.”
-The Philosophy of a 2 year old
1 tag
5 tags
1 tag
“Guys who have mad faces are bad guys.” - Lucas
Take note.
1 tag
July 2010
4 posts
2 tags
Watching the Duggars on TV…
Me: Guys, this family has 18 kids.
Luc: Where do they live?
Me: Arkansas
Luc: … Is THAT place REAL?!
3 tags
Luc: Mom, I’m never going to marry a girl.
Me: Oh so you’re going to marry a boy?
Luc: No! I’m NEVER going to get married to anybody! I’m just going to live with you forever.
Me: Well, I’M a girl. I thought you didn’t like girls.
Luc: You’re different. [this I know, Luc, this I know…] And I never want to get a job.
Me: How are you going to pay...
1 tag
ALL videogames?
Lucas has been lying in bed now for almost an hour entertaining himself by singing, talking and imagining… all good things to do when you’re not supposed to be SLEEPING!
Me: Lucas, go to sleep now or I’m taking away all of your videogames tomorrow.
Luc: ALL of my videogames?
Me: Yes, all of them.
Luc: Even Spirit Tracks? [his new Zelda game… as if this one would be...
3 tags
Apocalypse in a child's mind
Less than an hour ago…
The wind started blowing and the rain started pouring. The boys were downstairs and I was upstairs, and I saw the bathroom lights flicker. I knew any minute the power was about to go out and the kids would be stampeding up the stairs asking me what was going on.
30 seconds later - darkness.
“MOM!!!!!!!!!” [3 voices in unison]
Cue: stampede
I explained...
June 2010
5 posts
2 tags
Disciplining 2 year olds
Bill: Ash, do NOT throw things at people! That is not nice!
Ash: (sobbing) Oooooookaaaaaay……
Bill: Do you know what that means?
Ash: (sobbing) Oooooookaaaaaay……
Bill: Ash, do you understand what that means to NOT throw things?
Ash: (sobbing) Oooooookaaaaaay……
Bill: Do you know what the word “throw” means?
Ash: (sobbing)...
3 tags
Hey New York, my kid is smarter than you.
Watching a show called “Selling New York” with Holden tonight. One particular place was 750 square feet…
Holden: Only one bathroom?
Me: Yeah and the bedroom and living room are the same room.
Holden: That is so small.
Me: It’s one million dollars.
Holden [silence]… That is way too much money for a house that small.
Me: Oh look that guy bought it!
Holden:...
2 tags
Holden: I think it’d be okay if you had four kids.
Lucas: I want you to have five kids. That would be the perfect number. But not one billion. One billion is too many kids… oooh how about fifteen??
Holden: And no girls. I’m just not prepared for that.
1 tag
4 tags
Conversations in the car
Traveling from Florida to California allows for lots of time to chat. Here are just a few things we discussed along the way…
Luc: Look, Mom, cows!!!!
Holden: Cows?! Yummy yummy yummy… I’m saying that because I want to eat them in my burgers.
= = =
Holden: Mom, look up in the sky at those clouds. They look 3-D. I wonder if you can see heaven…
Luc: Who’s Kevin?
=...
May 2010
4 posts
1 tag
Luc: I miss Daddy.
Me: Me too.
Luc: Why do YOU miss him? Because you married him?
Me: Well yeah, he makes me laugh, I like to talk to him and I like to be around him. You know what else I miss?
Luc: What?
Me: His kisses.
Luc: [covers his eyes] EWWWW!!!!!!!! …. [uncovers his eyes, pauses] …. If I close my eyes, I just dream about you kissing Daddy. Look at me! [eyes wide open] I...
3 tags
Staring Contest
Holden: Mom, Lucas is the best at staring contests! Watch!
[They stare at each other for two seconds.]
Lucas: Holden, you blinked!
Holden: See?!
Lucas: Holden can’t keep from blinking.
Holden: He’s just too good.
2 tags
5 tags
April 2010
12 posts
Luc: “Holden, when we go to space, I will say, There are no burgers here.”
2 tags
(Holden watching Dora the Explorer with Ash....)
Dora: Do YOU see the GREEN BUSH?! THERE it is! I see the GREEN bush!
Holden: (mutters) Of course you do. You always see it.
2 tags
Lucas: Mom, Holden said I peed my pants!
Mom: Lucas, why does it matter if you didn't do it? You didn't pee your pants, right?
Lucas: Not really.
Mom: See... wait, what?
2 tags
Lucas: Mom, how do you say "Hello" in Japanese?
Me: Konnichiwa!
Lucas: Oh. That sounds so cute.
Holden: I know how to say "Hello" in German. Guten Tag!
Lucas: Holden, how do you know that?
Holden: Because I'm German.
2 tags
2 tags
Holden: Ash, get out of the bathroom!
Me: Holden, be nice to your little brother!
Holden: But he's touching my pee! Ash, stop touching my pee!
Ash: (laughing) Peeeeeeee!